The following is a synopsis of Henry's last message, on a paragraph-by- paragraph basis. In the future, if I have the time to actually read all of Henry's messages, I may give more postings to: alt.henry.shut.the.hell.up.abridged

> > > Merely some random anecdotes.

Yo, dudes.

> > Last night I went to ride the course of the Kelly Canyon mountain bike race which will be on Saturday. I am now pretty sure I will do the race, though I haven't quite settled on a category of enrollment. Beginner would mean a shorter and less difficult course than the Sport and Expert classes, but Expert adds another half-lap or so to the approximately 15 mile course. Probably I'll be a sport.

Rode this fresh MTB course that I'll be racing as a sport next week.

> > So the course is forest service roads, logging roads, singletrack, and basically a field/bare ski slope at the end. The singletrack was not as intimidating as some I have experienced, though with a few pedal grabbers and surprise roots. Riding the course ahead of time is going to be quite useful, I think, not like road racing where you are pretty sure that it's going to be a road somewhere.

Did I say the course was fresh? Oh, I must've gotten ahead of myself.

> > My guides for the ride were Super Dave (from swimming, also ski patrol) and his buddy Jim (also also ski patrol, and he does sailboarding/snowboarding too). Dave and Jim are the two guys I caught on a hilly road last year on my mountain bike. Dave eventually dropped me on the way back into town (last year), but Jim was an even worse climber than me, which is pretty sad. Anyway, the ride last night was an exhibition not a competition although we did lose Jim on the really steep logging road. Where I had to go all the way down to my 24x21, only one cog away from my granny 24x24. This was the same logging road that I rode up as part of my Stinkin' Springs ride with Luke and Patty several weeks ago, you remember the one. By the way, Patty also put in an appearance at the beginning of last night's ride on her SlingShot, before being dropped on the initial 2-mile dirt road climb. She actually got a head start, but we caught her after about a half mile.

I went on the ride with Dave (who's cool), Jim (who sucks) and Patty (who's a babe and rides a Slingshot).

> On to the next anecdote. Super Dave gets around a bit, though he's not quite the jet-setter that I am since he drives everywhere while I usually catch a ride in Dad's plane. But he was in Portland a couple weeks ago, and says two of his friends each attempted to drive into their garages without removing bikes from racks. One of them had a Klein, by the way, but more on that subject later. So Super Dave (so called because of his swimming speed: for instance, his 2000 yd time was 28'45" while mine, the next fastest, was 30'50") says the Seattle-to-Portland double century is this weekend, but he didn't really feel like driving over just to do it. He also wants to do the Logan (Utah) to Jackson (Wyoming) double century later in the summer. And the Burley SpudMan Olympic-distance Triathlon. I just don't see how he can be ready for a double century (ooh, a double century) without doing a lot more riding than he seems to. Of course I don't really know, I only really see him at the pool and a couple times skiing.

Did I say Dave was cool? I meant to day Dave is a stud. He probably gets laid nightly.

> > So let's talk about posers. I told Dave the Klein "I ride an awful lot" story, and babbled about what kind of bike I should get, as usual. We start the ride. At the top of the initial climb (which is two miles up a dirt road, you will recall) we came upon a guy on a Dean Ti with a CamelBak suspiciously close to some yupppiemobiles parked there. He followed us through a singletrack section, then on the next fire road asked, "are you guys riding the _whole_ course?" We said, well, yeah. Then he was sort of nowhere to be seen by the time we got to the next singletrack bit. But when we got back to the cars, there he was, talking to a guy on a pink Klein mountain bike. I pointed this out to Dave, and we giggled at each other.

We met one of those pretenders who likes to spends more time and money looking fast than going fast. Dave and I laughed at him. I like laughing with Dave. Did I mention Dave is a stud?

> > Let's talk about girls. Well, only one girl. Who was the only one we saw on the ride, about 3/4 along. Going the opposite direction, and who I happened to recognize as an attractive engineer who happens to work in my building. Imagine that, such a coincidence. Anyway, her name is Kim, and Dad has been saying, "hey, there's that engineer" [nudge nudge] since I started working out here. Actually he noticed her before that. She drives a white Stealth to work (but takes the bus sometimes) but has a Bronco II for mountain bike toting, both with large Florida State (Tricky: the Seminoles! - well, everybody knows that one) stickers in the rear windows. So I haven't yet done a ring check; she hasn't been working here that long, like a year or so Dad says; kind of fits a single profile it seems to me. Here's what I did do: when we arrived back at the cars, I was looking around for the Stealth. Not here, I reported. "Isn't that her?" said Super Dave, noticing her across the parking lot moving towards the Bronco. Oh yes, note the large Florida State sticker. Then, and here's the shocker: I went and struck up a conversation. Holy cow. Usually I adopt the attitude of "oh, there's an attractive woman, I think I will successfully simulate that I haven't seen her and don't care." But here I had something to talk about, opening with an easy "so, are you going to do the race Saturday?" and proceeding to a relaxed chatter about the course and even work (handy, that). Then she asked us if we had our harnesses (Dave had driven the car over and was spectating by this time, having stowed his bike) along, since the alpine club was doing some climbing just down the road, on a big rock. Ok, she didn't need to say the big rock part, it was obvious from context. Sadly, we had in fact neglected to bring our harnesses. Don't think Dave is a big-time climber either. So we politely declined even though she said the club brings along spare (whatever the word for bunches of titanium carabiners is - a "string" of climbing stuff? Danimal? Tricky?) harnesses and things. Probably not the best social climbing (ha ha) move, but every time I go rock climbing (all two times) my forearms get really sore from unaccustomed usage. That might not be a good thing with a mountain bike race on Saturday. Have to be in tip-top shape, don't you know. Besides, we were tired from doing "the whole course" while she had started the wrong way, walked up the hill, then coasted back down. She said she is probably not going to do the race, just wanted to get out and ride. That's fine. And you know, Tattoo is leaving me in September to join the Air Force...

I'm hot for this chick, Kim. She likes guys who sling around climbing stuff. I had my chance with her but wanked and blew it. My other chick with the tatoos is gonna leave me soon to join the Air Force - I tend to have that effect on women.

> > So that's that. Kim and I exchanged greetings when we met on a stair this morning. Probably see her some other random time today, she has been working on some computer qualification plans or something with my boss and another fellow basement denizen (Kim's office is upstairs in the real world). Kim. Let me just say that a few more times. Kim. Kim. Kim and I. Kim and me. Me and Kim. Kim. Kim. Kim. I'm losing it here, aren't I? Probably also losing my audience, who are losing their collective lunches.

God, I'm pathetically hot for this chick Kim. I hope I don't shoot my wad at work, 'cuz then everyone would laugh at me.

> > What else can I blather about...let me see. Oh yes, I called Colorado Cyclist, and the nice young man put me in the database (again) and > said I would be sure to receive a new mid-summer catalog when they go out this week or next. Have I heard this somewhere before? Should have threatened him with a non-catalog Klein purchase. But then he probably would have laughed, "You poser!" and hung up.

I really want to be on someone's mailing list.

> > Also called Wackerelli/Wackerli VW, that zany bunch of VW/Audi/Subaru/Isuzu guys. Said my GTI's oil leak is all fixed, and it was coming from the oil pressure sender. I also learned that my car has a low oil pressure buzzer that comes on before the light does. I learned the buzzer part going around an onramp on the way to Burley two weeks ago, right before I noticed little oil specks depositing themselves on the rear window. I'm pretty sure it wasn't leaking before that, and certainly not that badly (I drove to Steamboat and back right after I got the car with zero oil consumption) so what I want to know is, did the setting off of the low oil buzzer itsel cause an oil leak? Or was there a leak at the sender that had previously started, and the buzzer was in fact serving its intended purpose by warning me of a low oil pressure (albeit going around an onramp, therefore not a true low oil pressure indication)? Enquiring minds want to know.

My car's a lemon.

> > Well, that's probably quite long enough, wouldn't you say? I thought so.

I'm outta here.

> > later, hah

M., as the "Cliff-Notes" of hah